GROW YOUR OWN AND GET OVER YOURSELF

My beans are spindly, my spinach microscopic, the chillies look on the verge of death, so this hits me where I live.

KITTY COMMUTER

Here's a cat that catches the bus. Every day. Comes back an hour later. Been doing this four years.

OH PULL THE OTHER ONE

It's bad enough that the artistic efforts of six year olds stand next to old masters in galleries, but now we have the canine Pollock.

WANT ONE : PLANT SWING

A swing with planters.

PRETTY CREEPY IF YOU ASK ME

Creep out your relatives for all eternity with this personalised urn.

WANT ONE : NINJA UMBRELLA

Just the thing for the mean streets of downtown Johannesburg, the Ninja umbrella. Surprise!

WANT ONE : POLAR BEAR FLASH DISK

You do, you really need a polar bear flash drive.

IMPOTENT ASIAN MEN : 1 RHINO : 0

The senseless slaughter of another rhino. Reward R20,000.

BEST BANANA CAKE EVER

The creator of this masterpiece banana cake explains why and how.

THIS JUST IN : SARDINES

Finally the sardines plucked up the courage to dash themselves on the shores of KZN for the amusement of locals and their garage freezers.

GRATUITOUSLY CUTE SECTION

Nothing cuter than a bunny.

RIDE EM MONKEY

Amazing bit of inter-species co-operation, here's a collie ridden by a monkey jockey rounding up sheep.

GIVE US A FAG, SQUAWK!

A mynah bird in China has reportedly taken up smoking after constantly pestering his owner to give him a cigarette. Zhang Li, from Xuzhou, said: "As soon as he sees me in the morning the first thing he says is that he wants a cigarette. And he doesn't stop pestering me until I give him one"

AN INCREDIBLE LABOUR OF LOVE

I tried to make a house out of matchsticks once. I spent the whole holiday on the coast picking up matches from the beach, I found enough to make a log cabin with no roof. My brother eventually enjoyed watching it burn.

I really admire the patience it took to make this matchstick oil rig.

BECAUSE SCHADENFREUNDE IS FUN

Who better to scoff at than celebrities.

REALLY USEFUL PRODUCTS

It's your essential Hello Kitty Dog Hip Dysplasia Orthopedic Brace.

THE DEATH OF UGLY FOOTWEAR SHOULD NOT BE MOURNED

Crocs are dead folks, burn them

BISHOP PAUL VERRYN IS A SAINT

There cannot be a greater saint in South African today than Bishop Paul Verryn. While others discuss and debate, he gets on with the job, giving sanctuary to thousands of refugee Zimbabweans at his Central Methodist Church in downtown Johannesburg. If the name is unfamiliar to you, here are blogs about Bishop Paul Verryn.

During the trial of Nelson Mandela's ex-wife, Bishop Verryn was smeared with the ugly brush of sexual abuse. The woman who smeared him in court Xoliswa Falati apologised and asked for forgiveness before her death.

A sad and troubling chapter in our history that cannot ever really be closed.

FOX WITH SHOE FETISH

Hundreds of shoes began disappearing from a village in Germany, the culprit, a fox with pups to amuse.

GIFTS FOR THE LORD OR LADY MUCK IN YOUR LIFE

Elegant cardboard cat chaise you can make yourself.
Just in case your pet isn't beautiful naturally, enhance his/her's beauty with a gorgeous tiara or a fancy set of new clothes. Don't forget his health, he needs his own garden.

ORIGAMI CRANES YOU CAN EAT

Play with your food says the Evil Mad Scientist. Here he makes edible wonton origami

BAKE WINDSCREEN COOKIES

It's winter here in Joburg, the coldest any of us can remember, so much for global warming! As soon as spring arrives I'm making these cookies. Should get the smell of smoke out of my car for a while.

KRUGER PARK ANIMALS 50% OFF SALE

Is it right that the authorities that run the Kruger Park, South Africa's premier wildlife park, decided they had too many rhino and sold them at auction. One ended up on a trailer involved in an accident another apparently was shot by an 80 year old Vietnamese lady whose wobbly finger had to be guided to the trigger.

The readers of News 24 think the management should resign, but the frightening thing is some of the comments passed and the vitriol directed at "so called bunny huggers". Either South Africans just don't care if their animals are blasted away by fat tourists or the Professional Hunter's Association and their minions are prolific bloggers.

BIRD WITH AN EYE FOR BLING

The story goes that the owner of this car wash cash machine suspected his employees of stealing coins out of the machines and set up a camera to catch the culprit.

It wasn't just one clever bird, there was a whole gang of them. The police discovered their haul on the roof of the car wash, $4000 in quarters.

THIS IS JUST WRONG

LIVING LAWN CHAIR

Thanks to Marshall for the heads up on this really fun site.

SINGLE 40-SOMETHINGS RISK DEMENTIA

Apparently (and it must be true) living a full and exciting single life makes me more prone to dementia than ah say living in some ghastly marriage hell.

LANDSCAPE ART

Beautiful pictures of hilltop horses from the Telegraph

GETTING NAKED FOR ART

Want to take your clothes off for art? Try a day in the life of a life model?.

PLINTH ART DAY WHATEVA

It all looks a little boring to me. Maybe because it's being used for political reasons, nothing kills art faster.

CROP CIRCLE FUN

JOBURG DRIVERS

I think we can all agree these are the most irritating things Joburg drivers do :

1. Reversing along the highway’s emergency lane after missing an off-ramp.

2. Ignoring the ’four-way stop rule’ when traffic lights aren’t working.

3. Drivers who perform U-turns on the highway (crossing the middle strip and turning into the fast-lane in the opposite direction) to avoid traffic jams.

4. Straddling lanes or the solid white line when driving around a corner.

5. Speaking/SMS-ing on a cellphone while driving.

6. Tailgating and headlight flashing.

7. Stopping halfway into an intersection when waiting for the green light.

8. Turning in front of oncoming traffic cars at intersections.

9. Performing U-turns and 3-point turns in the middle of intersections.

10. Throwing rubbish out car windows.

More bad habits.

NEW WORDS NEW IDEAS

I love it when new words find their way into the language. Some of them have legs, others are forgotten by the next edition. Some of these are already in common use, in South Africa we've been enjoying shwarmas for years.

JOBURG'S CIVIL SPINE DISINTEGRATES (AND NOBODY MOURNS)

The "civic spine" has been torn down, the monstrosity thought up by mayor of Johannesburg circa 1984, Eddie Magid, is no more. The positively frightening brick and steel graffiti laden pissoirs have been reduced to rubble and in their place will be plants and pots and good soft natural things, And hopefully they will fix the fountain.

Also cut off the view from the street of the beautiful library and City Hall. Apparently we need to thank Flo Bird for the demolition. All this due to the Soccer World Cup coming to these parts in 2010.

I'm no soccer fan, but I'm liking this World Cup stuff.

ROBERT BRADFORD MAKES ART OUT OF TOYS

These are pretty great, sculpture make out of plastic toys, and a whole lot more. Check out the fire sculptures.

PUBLIC ART GOES BIG

Performance art in the true sense of the word.

2400 people have volunteered for a unique piece of plinth art.

APHRODISIACS AND SHINY COATS

The funniest man in Africa Ben Trovato weighs in on the subject of the imminent seal massacre in Namibia

PIGEON ART CRITICS

It might not be art, but pigeons know what they like.

MICHAEL JACKSON ART

Art inspired by the King of Pop

PLANT POWER

Marieke Staps designed this ingenious soil clock and a lamp

that only needs a splash of water every now and then.




Marieke Staps designed this ingenious soil clock and a lamp

that only needs a splash of water every now and then.

THE BRILLIANT ZAPIRO AT WORK

Michael Jackson and Muammar Ghaddafi

HYSTERECTOMY CAKE

Oh yes folks, when you have your ladybits yanked, you celebrate with a cake wreck.

REALLY BAD WRITING

This is always fun, the Bulwer-Lytton Fiction Contest invites entrants to submit the opening paragraph of an imaginary novel. It doesn't have to be just bad, but hilariously horrible, like this :

"She walked into my office on legs as long as one of those long-legged birds that you see in Florida - the pink ones, not the white ones - except that she was standing on both of them, not just one of them, like those birds, the pink ones, and she wasn't wearing pink, but I knew right away that she was trouble, which those birds usually aren't."

I wouldn't be too sure.

THE ULTIMATE IN SUSTAINABLE HOUSING

Troglodyte houses in Iran.